2018 has flown by, and December marks the two-year anniversary of when I decided to accept a full-time position with a non-equestrian related corporation. The past two years have been filled with incredible opportunities, new experiences, and knowledge of the world gained. But I have also spent much of it feeling lost.
When you grow up as a competitive athlete, there’s always an end goal (pun intended for some of you). I competed in junior championships (NAJC) several times, went to the Kentucky Three-Day with dreams of riding there (still have them), worked full-time in the sport of Eventing, and honestly spent 22 years thinking that I was on my set path and had the end goal of being a Team USA rider with an accompanying equestrian business. So when my path changed, as it does in many of our lives, it was a hard shock to lose that clear end goal.
I feel very confident that I am not alone in this experience. Many have faced similar challenges when their paths change, whether it’s through moving away from being a competitive athlete, realizing med school isn’t truly what you want, or numerous other career changes. We’re taught so young to be high performers and reach goals, complete degree requirements, etc., that we sometimes lose the ability to discern what we truly want, and to be okay when we change our minds.
Author David Brooks put this feeling into words so perfectly on a podcast he did for the Aspen Ideas forum that I’m just going to share his expert because it expresses the feeling better than I could:
“There’s a stage in your 20s, I call them the odyssey years. The ordeal of freedom when you’re just getting out of college and suddenly you can do anything. If you have any talent, you’re like a stem cell and your blessing and your curse is you can turn into absolutely anything. And your blessing and your curse is that the life you’ve led leaves you completely unprepared for the challenges that now face you.
As you go through school, you’re living station to station. You have this test, this homework assignment, this degree, this application process. You get out of school in your 20s and there are no more stations, it’s just open seas. So instead of looking in front of you for ‘What do I do next?’ your challenge in your 20s is to look ahead of you for the far horizon and define what you’re pointing at. And that’s a phenomenally hard problem.”
[Side note: take the time to listen to the entire podcast, it’s well worth it. Link here]
So how do we find that horizon? While I don’t have the end-all answer, I have given this problem a good deal of thought over the past few months. The short answer I’ve come up with – Give ourselves a break. While it feels extremely unsettling to not have a long-term career goal after growing up with a set path and vision in mind, it’s okay. As long as you continue to move forward, learn from each opportunity, and continue building transferable skills as you go along, you’re not making yourself any worse off.
Personally, I’ve realized in the last two years that I really enjoy business development and problem solving, particularly where emerging technologies are involved. I take as many opportunities as I can to develop my skills in this space, and experience different industries (national security and environmental issues in particular). I still do not have a clear vision of where these interests are taking me, but am gaining the experiences to eventually have that realization.
Many days my instinct is to lean towards an overwhelmed state of not knowing exactly where I’m going; however, I’ve found that it’s far more productive to keep pursuing opportunities and skills that will enable me to be successful when I do finally determine what my long-term vision is. Because of my interest in emerging technologies, I’ve begun teaching myself things like Python and process robotics, with the idea that they will enable me to pursue my vision when it does appear. When you start to feel paralyzed, keep moving – a life in motion stays in motion.
Your path will also not match your best friend, your sibling, your parent, your manager… we all find our way agnostic of some sort of norm, so don’t become weighed down by the stress of comparing yourself to others. Be honest with yourself in what drives you, what captures your attention, and pursue that regardless of expectations you or others have had for you.
If you’ve been reading this and nodding along, I’m always here to talk. The best thing we can do as we journey through life is support each other, especially in a time where it’s easy to feel like society as a whole is divided.
Until next time (which will probably actually be horse related),
JL