Far too much has happened in the past three months for me to give a complete run down, so I’ll stick to the headlines.
When you’re skiing through a glade, it’s important to not just see the trees that you need to navigate around, but the forest as a whole and where it’s taking you. The same can be said for life.
I encourage all riders, even those doing it full time, to have something else in your life you really care about so the world doesn’t completely turn dark when your equestrian goals are derailed. I needed this reminder and am so grateful I got it this week when my world had been turning dark.
2018 was a year of surviving. Tonight, cheers to 2019, and the promise it holds as a year of thriving.
What a year 2018 has been. I had grand plans to write a new post every few weeks, and here we are, several months after my last one.
This year has been filled with a lot of peaks and many valleys. About a month after the barn fire at my parents farm, we lost our dog Sirius. He was active until the end and when his body decided it was time, we were able to help him peacefully cross to the other side - but it has been one of the greatest losses I have experienced. That same week our older horse Oliver had a few very strange days where we thought we would be losing him as well, but thankfully he pulled through and got back to fighting form.
This spring took its toll on me, but I also learned how to pick myself up and find the necessary balance to thrive. The past few years have felt very much like survival as I tried to manage the changes that come with leaving home and school to enter the workforce and become a “real adult.” During the stress of the fire, moving my horses to Northern VA, and losing Sirius, I became both physically and mentally unwell. I lost 10 pounds over the course of two weeks from not eating properly and stress, wasn’t working out, and was beyond exhausted all the time. One day I realized I was not on a sustainable path, and it was time to pick myself up and find some balance. So I did, and I hope sharing what I found to work will help those of you also working to find balance between your career, passions, and well-being.
Finding the right farm for my horses and myself was the first big change. All three of them have found the perfect home at Cabin Branch Farm. Their happiness and my ability to have the facilities to keep them in work with my schedule, in addition to the peace of mind of great care, is a huge stress reliever. It takes an hour for me to get out to the barn, but I enjoy being out there so much that the drive doesn’t bother me and has become an opportunity to catch up on podcasts (and eventually learn French when I get my CDs open). For the first time since I graduated, I feel that I have found the right location for my horses and as well as for myself in Arlington, which has made the commute to work practically obsolete.
My biggest advice to anyone who is struggling to find the balance between working full time and riding is to take the time to find the ideal location to make balancing everything as manageable as possible.
I’ve also really prioritized my own health. Taking the time to meal prep has been huge – I go to the barn right after work, so having something I can bring with me for dinner has been instrumental in keeping my energy up. I’m also a strange person that genuinely likes the gym and running, so making sure to fit the time in for that as many days a week as possible has helped me get my strength back, reduce my stress level, and help me clear my head.
Most importantly though, I’ve matured in my perspective on life. For the first time since I was probably 11 years old, I don’t have any true competition plans, and I’ve come to peace with that. My competitive goals haven’t changed, but I want to make sure my horses and I are in the best position to succeed before we get back out on course. After two great events with Cedric, his “startbox anxiety” (my new term for it) came back at our last event stronger than it’s been all year, and with all of the moving, pushing to compete him this month doesn’t make sense. We’re going to focus on getting his fitness back and attending a few schooling shows, then I’ll make some plans as to his competitive future from there. Chandler has a top-notch team working on his funky thoroughbred hooves, and is starting to get back in work, but we are taking it slow so we don’t diminish any of the progress we’ve made the past two months. No point to rushing him back to competing until he’s more than ready.
Interestingly, Roy has become the A team, and he is absolutely thriving. We’ve conquered indoors, started hacking and riding in fields, and are getting back to lateral work and jumping. He is still for sale, and I can’t wait to see what he does as someone’s primary prospect – he’s definitely a cool dude. If I could figure out making 3 horses work, he'd be staying with me.
I was thinking about all of this yesterday when I was hacking out on Cedric, my last ride of the day. I may not be regularly competing right now, but I have the opportunity to sit on three amazing horses every day. When I’m not on them, I’m working for a company in a space that is having an impact on our country. And in those few hours a week where I’m not doing either of those things, I have a wonderful, supportive group of friends and family to spend time with.
When the going gets tough, give yourself a short amount of time to wallow in it, and then pick yourself up, make a plan, and actively work to turn it around. While you may not always have control over everything in life, you do have control over how you handle it and the perspective you take. So, in the words of Sir Edmund Hillary, the first person to summit Everest:
“It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.”
And with that, it’s back to another work week, and a renewed determination to not wait two more months before writing another blog.
Cedric has become very good at posing for photos - thinking his second career may be modeling.
